#myshoesmademedoit

If I told you there was a season in my life (a very very long one)... that my daily begging prayer to God was, "PLEASE LORD JESUS, LET ME LIKE RUNNING! Let me learn to love it, need it, be addicted to it, and most importantly- BE THE PERSON WHO RUNS EVEN WHEN ON VACATION!!!!", would you judge me?

Because it's true. I would fervently plead pray to become a "runner". I wanted to know the magic code and the nitty gritty. What made people run? It was made very clear to me early on in life, if I wasn't being chased with a bloody knife- not much could make me run (ok, that's a lie- I run at every semi-annual sale I go to...) but other than to snag a pair of discount goodies... not much else makes me RUN. A friend joked a while back that he would gladly volunteer to tape a bag of Cheetos on his back and run in front of me to lure me as bait... that is not far from the truth. I really don't like running.

All that to say... It's funny as much as I hated the concept of running, I wanted to be good at it. It's like praying to be a mathematician when you can hardly count (without using your fingers)- kind of an overzealous/lofty goal. One I dreamt of, but very rarely attempted to master or work at it. I heard every runner say, "you don't become a runner over night." Basically, they hated it too but worked at it every day and before they knew it, they couldn't not run (double negative, but work with me here).

Let's move on to something I love. Shoes. I love shoes. More specifically, I love workout shoes. There is no such filter or "reasoning" that exists when I see a pair of sneakers that I like. It's just that simple- like them? Buy them. Because one day, there will be a top to match and you will be incomplete without fuchsia tennis shoes. (Listen, I didn't say I was normal, I'm just stating the truth). My dad would ask, "how many pair of tennis shoes does ONE PERSON NEED?" I'd look at him and laugh. Need? No, I'm not sick enough to think I need them... I know I don't need them. I just want them. They make me feel "fit". They make me feel toned. Accomplished (even if all I did was wear them to Trader Joe's and back). A good pair of neon shoes even make me feel tan. An expensive pair might even fool someone at Trader Joe's to think I'm a seasoned runner... until they see the rest of my body HA just kidding, no self deprecation on today's post... running along (pun intended).

just a few of my sneakers. 2 were in my car and I've actually added a couple more to the collection since. yikes. 

Where the hatred of one thing and the love of another coincided...

I realized my love for a new pair of running shoes without liking to run, trying to run, or even pretending to run anymore- was kind of ridiculous. I tried so many challenges to get me to run a certain amount of miles a month (that are AWESOME challenges, hosted by amazing women), but I felt so discouraged when it was the 29th of the month and I had 6 miles logged. I kept telling myself, "next month"... waiting on a fresh start. Every month was the same. I'd try my hardest and get down to 2 logged runs all month.

Here's where my problem lies. You know the dyslexic kid who just shuts down when it's his turn to read aloud (or to read at all)...that was me. Because I hated it and because I felt like a failure I quit bothering. I didn't have a teacher making me read like a dyslexic child who needed the practice would... I needed the discipline. Someone told me that you'll avoid things that are challenging for you. I thought about it. I haven't been to my crossfit gym since May 24... I feel like since I'll never compete, do a muscle up, or deadlift 345#- why bother?? I haven't done yoga since around then either. If I'll never be able to do a freestanding headstand or be able to "ohm" without wanting to laugh/peek- why bother??? I haven't ran since this summer since I'll never run a marathon or be the vacation jogger- WHY BOTHER?!

a little humor that was SUPPOSED to be encouraging... :) 

I'll tell you why bother. Because I'm not a quitter. Because sometimes, quite simply, I have nothing better to do than lace up and try. More importantly, because I have cute shoes.

Monday morning, I woke up and decided I wasn't going to wait for another "1st of the month"... Today was good enough. I was going to lace up my pretty shoes and just head out. I was going to listen to my body, not try to overdo/overexert myself and just ENJOY the bottom of my shoes actually touching pavement that wasn't the grocery store parking lot. Because guess what? The measly 2.7 miles I jogged/walked with Dolly on Monday was the most activity I had done since May 24. So, it was a success. If I were trying to make a distance/time goal- I would feel like a failure. Because it wasn't "hard" or "grueling", it normally wouldn't have been categorized as a successful activity, but the truth is IT WAS! I went outside, I got something done- LACING UP WAS ENOUGH! 

Ok, I'm done with caps. I'm done yelling at you and feeling like a motivational speaker. I just wanted to let folks know what I meant on instagram yesterday when I started the hashtag #myshoesmademedoit

The concept isn't to buy a new pair of shoes. That's not the point. If you can't afford a new pair- clean yours up with a magic eraser and throw some fun laces on. The premise of the hashtag was that the mere tying of the laces (shoe cuteness irrelevant) is a great thing. It's "enough". It's a great start to whatever you're working on in your active life. It's the first foot out the door that's the hardest, and we're doing it. It doesn't matter if you PR'ed or if you ran 37 miles. I used to be embarrassed about any lifting pictures my friend took of me because I didn't think the weight on my bar was enough. Guess what? A single bar alone was enough. Driving to the gym and showing up was enough. I should be proud. I made an effort to work on my health, and that is noteworthy. 

The irony is, I PR'ed that day. I did double my normal deadlift (with back issues, this was a huge deal for me). I felt like I could take on ANYTHING that day. Yet, I didn't share with anyone- fearing 1) I'd get the "oh gah, crossfit cult" remarks. and 2) judgmental people seeing the weight and thinking why I would be proud at a "low amount". It's sick. The weights on my bar are irrelevant! The fact that I went in, got my workout in, and finished is what matters!

I may be the only one in the world who does this... but... I send my nasty, disgusting, sweaty shots to my closest posse. If you have gotten one of these texts, consider yourself one of my nearest and dearest. I don't post these. Obv. BUT, the weird thing is: I take them. Why do I take them? Because deep down, I am proud of my dripping sweat. I am proud I left the house and got in a workout. I am proud of the nastiness. Am I the only one?... I can't be! 

 All that to say... If you laced up. if you sweat. if got out there. if you pushed play on that yoga video. if you lifted a bar. if you whatever else grammatically incorrect sentence fragment I can think of- throw a hashtag on there. It's not just about cute shoes. It's about realizing whatever you're doing- whether it's walking to the grocery store instead of driving, or pushing the stroller up the hill to check the mail- IT'S ENOUGH! You should be proud of the little things, they add up! Cute shoes just make it easier in my opinion :)