#myshoesmademedoit

If I told you there was a season in my life (a very very long one)... that my daily begging prayer to God was, "PLEASE LORD JESUS, LET ME LIKE RUNNING! Let me learn to love it, need it, be addicted to it, and most importantly- BE THE PERSON WHO RUNS EVEN WHEN ON VACATION!!!!", would you judge me?

Because it's true. I would fervently plead pray to become a "runner". I wanted to know the magic code and the nitty gritty. What made people run? It was made very clear to me early on in life, if I wasn't being chased with a bloody knife- not much could make me run (ok, that's a lie- I run at every semi-annual sale I go to...) but other than to snag a pair of discount goodies... not much else makes me RUN. A friend joked a while back that he would gladly volunteer to tape a bag of Cheetos on his back and run in front of me to lure me as bait... that is not far from the truth. I really don't like running.

All that to say... It's funny as much as I hated the concept of running, I wanted to be good at it. It's like praying to be a mathematician when you can hardly count (without using your fingers)- kind of an overzealous/lofty goal. One I dreamt of, but very rarely attempted to master or work at it. I heard every runner say, "you don't become a runner over night." Basically, they hated it too but worked at it every day and before they knew it, they couldn't not run (double negative, but work with me here).

Let's move on to something I love. Shoes. I love shoes. More specifically, I love workout shoes. There is no such filter or "reasoning" that exists when I see a pair of sneakers that I like. It's just that simple- like them? Buy them. Because one day, there will be a top to match and you will be incomplete without fuchsia tennis shoes. (Listen, I didn't say I was normal, I'm just stating the truth). My dad would ask, "how many pair of tennis shoes does ONE PERSON NEED?" I'd look at him and laugh. Need? No, I'm not sick enough to think I need them... I know I don't need them. I just want them. They make me feel "fit". They make me feel toned. Accomplished (even if all I did was wear them to Trader Joe's and back). A good pair of neon shoes even make me feel tan. An expensive pair might even fool someone at Trader Joe's to think I'm a seasoned runner... until they see the rest of my body HA just kidding, no self deprecation on today's post... running along (pun intended).

just a few of my sneakers. 2 were in my car and I've actually added a couple more to the collection since. yikes. 

Where the hatred of one thing and the love of another coincided...

I realized my love for a new pair of running shoes without liking to run, trying to run, or even pretending to run anymore- was kind of ridiculous. I tried so many challenges to get me to run a certain amount of miles a month (that are AWESOME challenges, hosted by amazing women), but I felt so discouraged when it was the 29th of the month and I had 6 miles logged. I kept telling myself, "next month"... waiting on a fresh start. Every month was the same. I'd try my hardest and get down to 2 logged runs all month.

Here's where my problem lies. You know the dyslexic kid who just shuts down when it's his turn to read aloud (or to read at all)...that was me. Because I hated it and because I felt like a failure I quit bothering. I didn't have a teacher making me read like a dyslexic child who needed the practice would... I needed the discipline. Someone told me that you'll avoid things that are challenging for you. I thought about it. I haven't been to my crossfit gym since May 24... I feel like since I'll never compete, do a muscle up, or deadlift 345#- why bother?? I haven't done yoga since around then either. If I'll never be able to do a freestanding headstand or be able to "ohm" without wanting to laugh/peek- why bother??? I haven't ran since this summer since I'll never run a marathon or be the vacation jogger- WHY BOTHER?!

a little humor that was SUPPOSED to be encouraging... :) 

I'll tell you why bother. Because I'm not a quitter. Because sometimes, quite simply, I have nothing better to do than lace up and try. More importantly, because I have cute shoes.

Monday morning, I woke up and decided I wasn't going to wait for another "1st of the month"... Today was good enough. I was going to lace up my pretty shoes and just head out. I was going to listen to my body, not try to overdo/overexert myself and just ENJOY the bottom of my shoes actually touching pavement that wasn't the grocery store parking lot. Because guess what? The measly 2.7 miles I jogged/walked with Dolly on Monday was the most activity I had done since May 24. So, it was a success. If I were trying to make a distance/time goal- I would feel like a failure. Because it wasn't "hard" or "grueling", it normally wouldn't have been categorized as a successful activity, but the truth is IT WAS! I went outside, I got something done- LACING UP WAS ENOUGH! 

Ok, I'm done with caps. I'm done yelling at you and feeling like a motivational speaker. I just wanted to let folks know what I meant on instagram yesterday when I started the hashtag #myshoesmademedoit

The concept isn't to buy a new pair of shoes. That's not the point. If you can't afford a new pair- clean yours up with a magic eraser and throw some fun laces on. The premise of the hashtag was that the mere tying of the laces (shoe cuteness irrelevant) is a great thing. It's "enough". It's a great start to whatever you're working on in your active life. It's the first foot out the door that's the hardest, and we're doing it. It doesn't matter if you PR'ed or if you ran 37 miles. I used to be embarrassed about any lifting pictures my friend took of me because I didn't think the weight on my bar was enough. Guess what? A single bar alone was enough. Driving to the gym and showing up was enough. I should be proud. I made an effort to work on my health, and that is noteworthy. 

The irony is, I PR'ed that day. I did double my normal deadlift (with back issues, this was a huge deal for me). I felt like I could take on ANYTHING that day. Yet, I didn't share with anyone- fearing 1) I'd get the "oh gah, crossfit cult" remarks. and 2) judgmental people seeing the weight and thinking why I would be proud at a "low amount". It's sick. The weights on my bar are irrelevant! The fact that I went in, got my workout in, and finished is what matters!

I may be the only one in the world who does this... but... I send my nasty, disgusting, sweaty shots to my closest posse. If you have gotten one of these texts, consider yourself one of my nearest and dearest. I don't post these. Obv. BUT, the weird thing is: I take them. Why do I take them? Because deep down, I am proud of my dripping sweat. I am proud I left the house and got in a workout. I am proud of the nastiness. Am I the only one?... I can't be! 

 All that to say... If you laced up. if you sweat. if got out there. if you pushed play on that yoga video. if you lifted a bar. if you whatever else grammatically incorrect sentence fragment I can think of- throw a hashtag on there. It's not just about cute shoes. It's about realizing whatever you're doing- whether it's walking to the grocery store instead of driving, or pushing the stroller up the hill to check the mail- IT'S ENOUGH! You should be proud of the little things, they add up! Cute shoes just make it easier in my opinion :)

The Anti-Scale Movement

I have a feeling since I am so passionate about this, this post might actually turn into a series... So, hang in there! I have so many followers/friends/strangers/etc ask me about health & fitness related questions I usually write a blog post after the 15th request/question. It's obviously something more than one person deals with- so why not.

I am obviously not an expert/pro at anything so, whatever I say is just based on my OWN experiences and my own research. Feel free to do your own after reading this!

I know I briefly addressed the muscle compared to fat concept here, but I have to focus on this for a minute.

While I was in the hustle and bustle of losing weight for my wedding, I was consumed with numbers. The wrong kind of number obsession... I was obsessed with seeing the numbers on the scale to go down. I ate great and worked out more in one month than I had in my entire life, at the rate I was going, I was risking being invisible by my wedding... if only it worked that way.

Like I mentioned before, the first month before I started paleo, the only change I did in my entire diet for the month was substituting any liquid with water, making sure I drank my daily requirement, and quit dairy. So, in one month of no sweet tea, milk, cheese, or yogurt- I lost 12 lb. Talk about a "wow" factor. I was so excited. It was the best feeling to see the scale go down. It was habit: wake up, weigh myself, jog, shower, get dressed, go to work. repeat. I was constantly texting my family, "one lb down!!! whoohoo!!! five down! ten down!" etc... AND THEN.

I started working out. So, I went from just cardio to actual weight lifting in the mix. I was toning up and making the deadly mistake of weighing myself every morning. Three weeks in, feeling incredible and toned up, I almost had a nervous break down when I looked down to see the scale laugh at me and actually show an extra 2 lb. WHAT?! what is going on. 4x a week gym. paleo. some cardio. why am I getting "bigger?!"

Ok, here's where the revelation took place. I looked in the mirror, expecting to see this "fat" person I was convinced the extra 2lb turned me into... only to my surprise, I liked what I saw. In fact, I was content. I saw my legs in my shorts (that I only wore in my house! no self confidence YET), and said, "maybe in a few months I COULD wear these out!"

ANNNNNNNDDD that's when the Anti-Scale Movement (ASM) happened. In that moment. I tore my entire house apart looking for a tape measure. Determined to use a different set of numbers. I remember searching a solid two hours for one when I finally gave up and used a string of yarn I had. I took one strand, wrapped it around my belly and cut it. Put it aside. Then I did the same for my arms and thighs. Every month, I measured myself with the same pieces of yarn on the 17th, and would shriek with excitement seeing how much I would take it in! (I ended up getting a tape measure and would measure the excess string from the first month to wherever I was).

Along with the tape measure/yarn method, I did the following:

-I put on a pair of shorts that fit me perfectly and a t-shirt that was kind of snug on my love handles, but didn't look like I was wearing my nieces. I took a selfie of me in the outfit.

-I dusted off a pair of old college jeans that were too tight, but I held onto for over 5 years as a "one-day" goal. You bet I wiggled in. My first selfie of me in them had them at my thighs. It's ok, I took the picture anyway.

-I put on a bikini. This one was the hardest, but by far the most motivating. I saw all my imperfections magnified in front of me. You know I locked the door when taking these. God forbid anyone walk in and subject themselves to such horrific images.

On the 17th of every month after my yarn measurements, I slipped into the above 3 picture outfits. and took the same picture, in the same pose- and compared them month to month. The first two months, I had to do a side by side to see any difference. By month 3, the shorts were so loose, as was the t-shirt, and the college jeans were going up (not zipping yet... but up my hips). Month 6, I screamed with joy because I couldn't even get away with wearing my college "goal" dreams because they were too big!!!! I couldn't even believe it....

AND THEN, the devil said, c'mon- get on that scale! Let's see all your hard work!

3 months into diet and exercise, I lost 4 pant sizes, 8" all over, and still weighed the same as I did when I first started. Thank God I could see my body changing and realize the scale was the DUMBEST way to measure weight loss!!!

9 months into diet and exercise, I lost a total of 8 (!!!!) pant sizes and was faced with daily accusations of starving myself or bulimia. I loved knowing that I looked so much thinner and could PROVE to these people that it was definitely done the healthy way, because I could hop on a scale and easily weigh 30lb more than them (or what they THOUGHT I weighed!) I had muscle mass, I was lean because of my muscle. The irony? I weighed the exact same as day one of my journey.

From July 2011- October 2011 (3 months) : With a combination of paleo and cardio: I lost the majority of my weight. Around 35 lbs. While I weighed less, I was flabby and still had muffin top/extra weight/bloated face etc.

From October 2011- March of 2012 (5 months), I weighed the EXACT SAME, but managed to shrink from a 10/12 to a 4/6. Even wearing Old Navy size 2. I know they run big, but, I still had a pair of size 12 shorts from there. I was elated. This was due to that crazy amounts of weight lifting I had added, which made me burn more calories while resting. So even if I wasn't in the gym, I was getting fit. It's weird. I don't get it. But trainers do, ask one you know!

Everyone thinks I was "so tiny" for my wedding... but as embarrassing as it is to admit, if it helps you guys join the ASM I will tell you the numbers.... UGH I never thought I would do this. I was a size 4 on my wedding day, and weighed 147. That was a farrrrr goal from my original "goal" of weighing 130 for it!  Goals Schmoals.... I had my dress taken in 5 times. The seamstress was getting mad at me, but I couldn't help it. I wasn't TRYING to lose weight anymore, I was just maintaining my fitness, and the irony is she kept saying, "STOP LOSING WEIGHT" and i wanted to laugh and say I'M NOT!



So, for 5 months, I weighed the same but looked SO DIFFERENT. I should be living proof of why you should take the battery out of your scale (since I know you won't listen and will want to weigh yourself occasionally--- blog post on THAT to come soon).

I absolutely hate doing this, but in case my words mean nothing- maybe my pictures will help?

I started my weight loss goal with a WEIGHT in mind, because it was all I knew. I knew I weighed too much, and I wanted to LOOK the way I did when I was at this particular weight in my life.

Taken at my sisters wedding in 2005, I was a sophomore in college and weighed 135

I told myself, I wanted to weigh 135 because I liked how I looked in this picture....

I feel like I look similar... but whatttt I weighed over 12lb more in this pic 

See how numbers can be deceiving?.... Ok, let me REITERATE... 

I weighed the same in THIS picture

how emb, i cringe looking at how bloated I look... 

AS I DID IN THIS PICTURE!!!!

i will take a bigger number on the scale and have a toned body any day, over a smaller number and flabbier bod!

SO, I hope that makes it clear for anyone out there using the scale as the true sign of weight loss. 

IT ALL depends on how you feel, look, and perform. I swear, let's do this ASM and quit beating ourselves up over numbers that don't matter! I know plenty of people who were bigger than me (measurement wise) and weighed less, and I know plenty of people SMALLER than me who weighed more. Just think about how you feel in your clothes, how you feel when your picture is taken, etc. I have come to peace with the fact that I will probably never ever be in the 130's again. It's not in the cards for my body frame, and that's ok! Because, last time I checked no one put a scale in front of me and forced me to get on it for any reason. Not for a friendship, relationship, etc. So it's not even worth it. Do it for yourself, do it for the right reasons, and the end result will always please you! 

Clean Eats

Before I start this post, let me preface it with: I AM NOT A PRO. I am not a specialist/nutritionist/doctor/dietician or any other thing. I am merely someone who tried a particular way of eating and was successful in shedding some extra lbs. Only after abandoning this lifestyle for a few short months of 1) newlywed life 2) bar studies 3) holidays, I realize the weight loss was the smallest benefit of "being Paleo".

I think this chart will help before I continue...

Since the wedding, I have eaten the occasional "non-paleo" meal... This means Fellini's Pizza Sunday commenced, I kept the buns on my burgers and made them cheeseburgers, and I definitely enjoyed my mac n cheese sides. What I found I could not partake in: yogurt, milk, and ice cream. After being paleo for nine months I became intolerant to most dairy and realize I had been cramming Yogli Mogli and Baskin Robbins down my throat and my body was forced to deal with it. I see the Whole 30 as an amazing cleanse to rid your body of the most common food allergens that we just ignore or become tolerant of in our daily lifestyle. Once you do the Whole30 and try to eat like your old self, you learn what your body is actually intolerant of... quite easily. haha

Before I am misquoted, I don't think Paleo is the end all be all, I think it was a catalyst in my weight loss journey and was the driving force of my extra energy juggling school, studying, work, and trying to get in the gym. You don't have to be "extreme Paleo"... it has its merits even if you do it as a balanced portion of your meals... like 75% paleo... trust me. It matters. You think of food differently and you are more conscious of what you put in your mouth. So that effort you take prevents you from eating mindless chips and understands if you are going to cheat, you are going to make it something minor, like mashed potatoes instead of sweet potatoes because you are simply craving it with your steak- and you aren't going to beat yourself up over it! Trust me, you will not crave a Big Mac... you will be so pumped with your energy, extra pep in your step, and shrinking waistline, the last thing you want to do is cheat! Just by eating more natural, healthy foods your body will be changing for the better. Lean meats, fruits, veggies, and nuts- the basis of paleo- with lots of water = AMAZING energy and the weight loss is just an added plus!

I feel like people set themselves up for failure when they become extremists. For the new year, I wanted to get back into 90% paleo but felt discouraged because I turned my back on it the past few months... and anyone who has done paleo knows how amazing it feels-so how could I just go back to my old ways??! That's when I realized I was giving myself way too much of a hard time. Old self?!? Old me had an egg and cheese biscuit 4 days a week for breakfast and a "healthy salad" was loaded with two packs of ranch! I never ever touched water. 3 cups of sweet tea a day... I had to sit and realize how far I have come from "old me"... As discouraged as I am for gaining 13 lb since the wedding, I have to give myself some credit. I have pretty much practiced paleo, save for the random bread cravings I have had. I really can get back in the swing of things!

The hardest part is preparation. Fail to plan- plan to fail. It's so easy to leave the house without almonds, water, paleo snacks, and be caught up in my day to the point that I am so HANGRY I cave and order a fast food salad... I mostly gave up paleo when my days consisted of being on the go I couldn't prepare a proper breakfast or lunch. I am going to try my hardest to get back into this habit.


The reason I want to get back on track isn't even for cosmetic purposes anymore. I have pretty much embraced the fact that no matter what weight I am, I will always be critical of my body! What I miss the most is the energy. I miss not being lethargic and mopey. I miss waking up early, eating my proper breakfast and starting my day off right.

I never blog about diet stuff. I feel like I'm under a magnifying glass, and if I post things on instagram like an occasional chocolate croissant for Sunday morning breakfast, I would be stoned to death. This post is basically...yes, I like the paleo diet. I know it's good for me, but I am totally ok with embracing some hiccups. If I see them as failures I won't change at all. I'll deny being paleo so I don't fail. I also can't stand the posts I see #paleo #crossfit #amazing #fit #skinny #fitsporation #blahblahblah I'm just human. I want to make small changes to enjoy this short life I live.

Anyhow. I leave you with my paleo tips. It's not much, but it's something. (Again, not a pro, but hey- I did lose 40 lbs...)

1.) Start your mornings off RIGHT!!! (My favorite paleo breakfast)

2.) Start your day with a full glass of water. I'm talking 12 oz people. It can be done. Finish off the rest of your day with lots of water (my rule of thumb: divide your body weight in half. Drink that many ounces of water a day). Download the app: waterlogged to help. I have taken pics of all my water bottles and that day I just click which one I just finished. It's awesome and it almost makes water drinking a challenging game haha

3.) Invest in different sizes of tupperware. I got the $8 pack from Ikea that has every size imaginable. I go grocery shopping frequently since I'm going through such copious amounts of produce, so I make life easier by washing everything and dividing them in individual containers. I put a handful of blueberries/strawberries/etc in 5 different containers. There's my mid morning snack for the week. It takes up room in the fridge, but it's SUCH a no-brainer when I open the fridge hungry to just grab one and be done!

4.) Go in on some paleo cook books with a friend. You buying one book really renders you double the amount of recipes. I started with

This book was enlightening. I remember her intro was what helped shed the most light on paleo. The recipes were 6/10 but I would buy it alone for the intro and the motivation. 

My next purchase will definitely be this one: 

5.) Don't beat yourself up if you "fail". Don't even see it as a failure. Don't dwell on it. AND ABOVE ALL: If you mess up in the morning, DON'T justify the rest of your day as a loss and continue. Acknowledge you could have made a better decision and move on. 

6.) Get your daily requirement of sleep. Or nightly. ha whatever. For some that's 6-8. For me it's definitely 10...I don't get 10, but I need it. I don't sleep enough and I think a huge part of my inability to lose weight stems from this. My family would laugh at this because I wake up around 10:30... but what they don't know is I go to bed around 4am. 

7.) Journal. Food log. Write what you eat. Not for obsession rather to make sure you are eating enough! THE BIGGEST paleo mistake: getting overwhelmed and being new to paleo you think have been limited from so much, so you don't even bother eating! You limit yourself from so much, you end up seeing you've only had 340 calories all day (or something ridiculous)... I joined My Fitness Pal for the wedding... Granted, I still don't know the ins and outs of the website... I use the app to log certain things when I don't have time to jot what I ate. People do this for caloric intake- but with me I don't have that problem. My problem was not getting ENOUGH calories, and sending my body into starvation mode- aka weight gain. I'm not sure how it all works but my name on it is: xbody so if you add me make me do something haha. just kidding. 

Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools

I also am a visual person and for the wedding I loved seeing the tracker go down. It was such a bitter reality check to take my "40lbs lost" in March and add about 15lb... I felt so discouraged... but this leads me to my last and final tip: 

8.) Hide your scale. I know it would be futile to beg you to toss your scale, so I would rather just be realistic and ask you kindly to hide it. Let me give you a cold hard fact. (this pertains more to crossfitters than JUST paleo-ers)

Fact: 

From September 2010 - February 2011 I weighed the same. 

Yep. I couldn't get the scale to budge. I was devastated. All those log ins and no numerical change... but everyone kept saying, "you look incredible!!!!" (I would post a before and after but it's so disgusting I would barf)....

NOW. Here's the kicker. I lost 5 pant sizes in that same time frame. WHAT?!! How is that so?! I know I heard muscle weighs more than fat numerous times before, but I finally had to see it with my own eyes to believe it. For 5 months I was discouraged for no reason. The scale does NOT determine my self-worth. In fact, it is a terrible litmus test for anyone trying to lose weight! 

I suggest: Take before and after pictures. Lock yourself in a room. Kick your husband out. Get in a bathing suit you have hopes of wearing this summer. Take the most natural pictures you can of your front, back, and side to side. Don't suck in, don't stick it out. Be natural. Then. Once you are done cringing and pouting and being mad at the world- get on your "goal jeans". Skinny jeans from days long gone... and try them on. Take a picture of where they sit or how they fit (muffin top, etc). I currently have "goal pants" that were worn ON MY HONEYMOON, that won't go up my thigh. THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, PEOPLE! 13 lb gained from wedding sounds small, but I can't get the pants up! Anyhow. So yes, there I am. Taking pics of my pants around my thighs. You gotta do what you gotta do. THEN, email ALL the pictures and label it whatever you plan on searching for later. Delete the pics from your phone so no one else has to be subjected to that nastiness (in my case)... and be motivated. Do this every month on the same day if you can. My day was the 16th of every month. I looked forward to it like it was a special treat. Because it was working. I was never let down on a "visual weigh-in". The scale? Major let down. The pics. Not so much. I remember by the time we got married, those "goal jeans" were so baggy I was elated. 

Anyhow. I hope during the new year you sit back and reassess WHY you want to lose weight. For me, it was a white dress in my closet. Now that that dress and event has come and gone, it is most definitely for less superficial reasons. I miss being THAT girl. I miss the energy. I miss the passion I had for trying new recipes and "witnessing" to the hopeless cashiers who couldn't get the few lbs off... I want it back. I hope this helps and if you have any questions just shoot me an email at ordyandjoon@gmail.com 

Again, I AM NO PRO and I can only say this speaking from my own personal experience! contact your physician for any extreme diet changes...  Good luck! I have a paleo board on pinterest that I am trying to expand and will do my best to post successful ones!